


The Loudest Voice

by iamavacado



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Gen, Multichapter, post squip, the squip returns, will update tags as needed
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-29
Updated: 2017-08-30
Packaged: 2018-12-21 06:13:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,600
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11938032
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/iamavacado/pseuds/iamavacado
Summary: Jeremy was rid of the squip. Or so he thought. And this time, he's not trying to help Jeremy.





	1. The Return

**Author's Note:**

> Not the most original idea, i know. But you guys know i had to make something angsty. Enjoy!

_Jeremy..._

"Oh my god, you're so funny!" Christine covered her mouth with her hand as she laughed at Jeremy's stupid joke about the food they were eating.

"What can I say?" Jeremy shrugged. "I'm a pun master." He stabbed at his chicken with his fork, trying to hide his blush.

"So what did you think of the play?"

The play?

"Uh, w-which one?" Jeremy asked.

Christine snickered. "The one yesterday you silly. The one I was in."

Jeremy smiled at her, feeling a sudden relief wash over him for a reason he couldn't pinpoint. "Oh!"

She nodded. "Yeah. I saw you in the audience. Front row no less--"

"I got there early to see you."

"I know you did, which was sweet." Jeremy smiled as she continued. "But yeah, I didn't get to catch you after and ask you what you thought."

"Well--" he took a sip of his drink-- "I was standing up and whooping your name as I clapped, much to the annoyance of everyone around me. So, um, if you go by that...I think you did amazing."

Christine was the lead, as per usual. She played a 1950s girl looking for love somewhere else instead of the man she was supposed to marry. It was a musical, and Jeremy tried to follow the plot of the show, he really did, but he couldn't help being entranced by Christine's voice. He found himself sitting in his seat, waiting anxiously for the next time she'd be onstage singing with her eyes closed, hand towards the sky. In that adorable fifties' skirt, no less. 

He even snuck a few pictures, and secretly made one of them the lock screen on his phone. He didn't think Christine would mind, seeing as _her_ lock screen was a picture of him snorting milk out of his nose.

"Aw Jeremy, thank you."

"You always do amazing," said Jeremy. "In everything you're in."

Christine waved a dismissive hand. "Oh don't be so flattering. You'd be amazing too."

"Yeah right."

"No!" insisted Christine. "You'd totally be good! I bet you."

"I'm telling you, I wouldn't," he replied jokingly. "I've only ever been in one play, and it almost destroyed the school."

_You can't get rid of me that easily Jeremy!!_

Jeremy felt a jolt at the base of his spine that made him jerk straight up. "Ow."

"Jeremy?"

"Uhh..?"

Christine set her fork down. "You okay?" She reached across the table and put her hand on his shoulder. He put his hand over hers reassuringly.

"I'm good," he said. He readjusted himself. "Just-- something. I dunno."

She took her hand back, cautious. "You sure?"

He took a bite of his chicken, trying to be casual. "Yeah. Totally. Maybe I should see a chiropractor or something."

"Oh! My dad has a friend who's one of those," said Christine as she resumed eating, "I could work something out for you."

Jeremy smiled. "Thanks."

They finished the rest of their meal in pleasant company, exchanging jokes and conversation until Jeremy asked for the bill. Regardless of Christine's insistence, he paid the check, leaving a good tip for the waitress. 

They were on the way to the car, holding hands and enjoying the way the sky looked as the sun set above them. His other hand was in his pocket, playing with the keychain Christine had given him. It had his name on it, written in hand painted, careful cursive onto wood: she'd gotten it custom made just for him. It made his gift of a necklace seem overdone and desperate-seeming, but Christine was grateful. He had gotten her a golden heart with a cubic zirconium "diamond" in the middle for their three month anniversary. She wore it immediately, and it looked great on her, and she gushed about it for ten minutes.

They were almost at the car when another jolt made Jeremy yell. He grabbed his back with the hand that was in his pocket, rubbing the spot. His skin was almost hot.

"What's wrong?" Christine asked, voice a little more worried this time. 

_Jeremyy!_

"Who said that?" Jeremy said. "Did you say that Christine?"

She shook her head. "Say what?"

But even as he asked the question, he knew that it wasn't Christine that had said that. It was a voice that seemed strangely familiar. One that he hadn't heard in a long time. One that seemed so close to his ear thay it almost felt like it was inside of his own head. 

He tried to play it off. "Must've just been my imagination."

Christine pushed his shoulder playfully. "Don't go crazy on me, okay? Save that for the stage." She pulled out her phone as Jeremy unlocked the car. "Because there's a play coming up that you're totally going to try out for." She slid in the passenger seat.

_Welcome back..._

Jeremy turned the car on. No way. There was no possible way.

"Who knows," he said, "I might."

_to your..._

"You WILL," said Christine. Her tone was firm. "I will not stop until I see you on a stage, in a funky costume, singing your heart out."

He gripped the steering wheel. "I sing to you regularly," he said. His voice was flat, forced. He got rid of it, didn't he?

_Super..._

"Well, yeah." Christine put her seatbelt on. Jeremy did the same, "but I want to see you sing in front of everyone."

_Quantum..._

"Everyone?" Jeremy pulled onto the road. He had to try hard to focus. There wasn't a way. He was sure of it.

"Everyone." She pulled up a picture that Jeremy had taken and sent her: a picture of her curtain call, bowing, smiling so big that you'd think her mouth would hop off her face. Once they stopped at a red light, she showed it to him.

_Unit..._

"This is gonna be you," Christine said, pointing at herself on the screen. "I'm not gonna be satisfied until I see my man bow."

"You won't, huh?" He felt his heartbeat quicken. His face was going red, he knew it was. Thank God Christine was looking at pictures, and not him.

_Intel..._

"I will not!" said Christine. "If I'm gonna be a movie star, then you're gonna be one with me."

"Theatre star," Jeremy corrected. He took a deep breath.

"Okay, theatre star." 

He'd gotten rid of it. He drank the mountain dew. It had been months. And now? Now there was suddenly--? No, it couldn't be. 

_Processor..._

He'd gotten rid of it.

The loudest voice was his, right?

_Jeremy._

Right?

_Oh, Jeremy?_

He was imagining this.

_You're slouching._

Nervous ticks. He'd had them a few weeks afterwards. That's what this was. It had to be.

_Back with that unsightly striped shirt again, are you?_

Was Christine talking? He couldn't hear her. Before he knew it, they were home. He was walking Christine inside and he waved a greeting to his dad, and they were going up to his room, and now they were on his bed. And Christine was fawning over pictures of the two of them, and Jeremy was nodding, agreeing. 

But he wasn't here. He was in the mall. He was holding his head in pain as something started talking inside his head. Everyone was staring at him, but he could only hear this thing...talking to him.

_Jeremy Heere,_ it said.

Don't say it.

_Welcome to your Super Quantam Unit Intel Processor._

I got rid of you.

_Your SQUIP._

"Jeremy?"

He was forced back into reality when Christine poked his forehead. "What?"

"You were zoned out for a sec there, you good?"

Jeremy looked at her for a second before noticing the person standing above her. He thought it was his dad, but no. The man had a bluish glow about him, and as he stood there, parts of him seemed to glitch in and out of existence. His smile was sinister and smug. His hands were clasped behind his back.

_It's been a while._

Jeremy stared at the squip, then looked at Christine. He forced a smile. 

"I'm good."


	2. Less Than Survive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The squip tries to convince Jeremy that his life isn't as perfect as it seems.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two y'all!

Jeremy stood up, eyes glued to the squip, staring him down. The squip just smiled like it'd been meeting up with an old friend.

"Hey, I'm...gonna go to the bathroom real quick," Jeremy said slowly. Before he even gave Christine a chance to answer, he rushed out of the room and practically sprinted to the bathroom, going inside and slamming the door behind him, locking it too.

Though he half wished he'd outrun it, he knew he didn't. His squip was standing behind him, examining Jeremy through the mirror. That same, self satisfied smirk as it eyed Jeremy up and down, silently judging every part of him, the same way it did all those months ago.

_Well, the first thing we're doing to do,_ it said, _is we're going to burn that shirt so you can never wear it again. I thought you'd outgrown it._

Jeremy felt his hands ball into fists. No. This was not going to happen again. He was not going to go through this again. He just started to get his life the way he wanted it.

"No," Jeremy said. His voice was surprisingly firm. "I'm not going to do this again."

The squip chuckled. _Do what? What you wanted?_

"You are _not_ what I want."

_You signed up for me Jeremy. I have a lifetime guarantee._

What could he say to make this thing go away? He thought of Christine waiting for him in his room. "Well, I don't need you anymore. I have Christine. People like me now, my dad is my dad again, and Michael and me are best friends. I have everything you were supposed to help me with. So I don't need you." 

The squip's smile faded into an annoyed frown. _You don't need me? Jeremy, take a look at yourself._

He looked at himself in the mirror and took in his appearance.

"Wh... What's wrong with me?"

The squip shook its head, as if disappointed. _You look just like you did before you had me. Pathetic. It's like you never even had a squip._

His shirt. It was wrinkled, re-worn and in desperate need of a wash. Though, it wasn't from him nervously sweating as he pondered which way to take to school. It was dirty because he and Michael went out to lazer tag yesterday, and while he dominated Michael's team, he went home with a sweaty as hell shirt. 

His hair was a mess, and could definitely use a trim. But that wasn't because he was afraid that if he *did* cut it, everyone would hate it. He was growing it out because Chloe had convinced him to shave his hair on the sides and dye the top part (a color that Christine would have the honor of picking out). It was messy from the open windowed ride home.

He looked tired: his eyes had bags under them. But that was because he and the gang decided to start working out at the local gym. Every morning, he, Christine, Michael, Jenna, Jake, Rich, Brooke, and Chloe would all team up at seven in the morning (if it was a school day, then they'd do it after school ended), and they'd work out together. Sometimes they had competitions to see who could run faster on the treadmill, or who could bench the most weight (Jeremy could run fastest, while Rich could bench the most). He was still an introvert at heart, so all the constant chatting and working out--while he was in a great mood by the end--left him exhausted. 

The squip was right. He did look the same. But it wasn't the same at all. He looked this way for completely different reasons. Not anxiety or sadness, but excitement and joy. He was the Jeremy Heere he wanted to be.

"I don't need you," Jeremy said, shaking his head. "All you do is make things worse."

_Are you sure it wasn't you who made things worse in the first place?_

Jeremy looked confused. 

The squip slowly paced back and forth across the bathroom floor. Jeremy turned from the mirror and watched him as he spoke.

_Think about this Jeremy. Who made the decision to buy a squip? Who decided to be with Brooke, knowing that you'd only abandon her the moment Christine acknowledged your existence? Who was the one who squipped Jenna, which in turn, led to everyone else in your precious little drama club being squipped? If it weren't for the hoodie wearing pain-in-my-ass, the entire school would be squipped by now, because it wasn't like you were going to do anything._

"You made me do all those things!" Jeremy yelled. Someone could probably hear him now. He hoped his dad was downstairs making dinner. Jeremy almost forgot that he could just think at it instead of actually talking. "I admit, I did buy you, but everything else? That was you! That wasn't me. I would've never chosen to do all those things if it weren't for you."

_Oh really?_

"Yes! Really!"

The squip tilted its head to the side, eyes narrowing in the way they used to before it was about to prove Jeremy wrong. _So, was it me who chose to call Michael a loser?_

"I--" Jeremy started to protest, but he stopped. The party. He'd been drinking, so the squip wasn't working right. It was off when he talked to Michael in the bathroom that night.

The squip smiled triumphantly at Jeremy's recollection. _Yes. There you go. You remember. That night, you were so consumed by your own ego, that you called Michael, your supposed best friend, a loser. You made him cry, you know that? You left him all alone in that bathroom, at a party where he didn't know anyone. Anyone but you. And you left him there._

Jeremy stared at the bathroom floor, feeling his ears go hot. "It wasn't something I'd do on purpose," he mumbled.

_But you did do it on purpose. I can see it in your memory as we speak. The word "loser" in your head moments before you said it out loud. You meant it._

"I didn't mean it. Michael knows I didn't mean it."

_Does he?_

"What do you mean?" Of course Michael knew that. It was a moment of weakness, frustration. He was drunk, he'd just got done being forced into making out with Chloe, he had been chased by Jake, and he felt miserable. Michael was drunk too, and lonely, and already sad. Neither of them were in a good state.

Michael knew he didn't mean it.

Right?

_Maybe he's lying to you, is what I mean._ The squip stepped closer, inches from Jeremy's face. _Maybe he secretly resents you for it._

Jeremy pushed him away. "He does not. He'd have told me if he still had an issue with it."

_How do you know that?_

"Because, I do!"

The squip shook its head. _No, you don't. I can sense your doubt from here. You're not sure._

Jeremy grimaced at the ground, angry at himself. Because it was right. Goddamnit. It was right.

It smiled. Of course it knew what Jeremy was thinking.

"I got rid of you," he said in a small voice. The image of the Mountain Dew red was clear in his mind. "I got rid of all of you."

The squip clicked its tongue. _You thought you did. You were in control for a while. But now?_

It leaned in close, and it whispered right in his ear. 

_I'm the loudest voice._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Leave a comment!!!! Lemme know what you think.

**Author's Note:**

> What did you think? Criticism? Praise? Leave a comment!!! I wanna hear your thoughts.


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